Update for August 2 and a really long post about my thoughts

Well, Rachelle is improving and they took her off the magnesium this morning. She also got to move up to her old room which means that they thought she was well enough. The doctor actually thinks she will be able to leave on Saturday or Sunday.

The babies are doing well still. Rustin is still having some breathing issues but they are working through them and I am sure he will be OK in a few days. They moved Kassidy closer to the others which is nice because I don't want her to feel left out. The hospital here and the NICU are both awesome. They have really been great. A lot of people have been really great and have offered all kinds of support. It is overwhelming for me. Today, my old BYU roommate, Chris Thompson, and his wife Kathleen sent me a package that had a very generous gift in it. I really have a hard time knowing how to respond to such generosity except to say thank you from the depths of my heart.

I want to mention how grateful I am for all of the service that people have given us. I have always been a very independent person and very proud that I have been able to make it on my own. Rachelle and I are very similar in that regard. After we got married, which was just before she started on her Master's degree and just before my Junior year of college, we were completely on our own financially. We are very frugal and managed to even save a bit of money and avoid debt while finishing our degrees. We have even managed to avoid debt (except for the house mortgage of which we have paid off a significant percentage). I say this, not to brag, but to help you understand how much of an adjustment it has been for us to realize that we will need help in our situation. Early on in the pregnancy, I had the distinct impression (which I firmly believe came from God) that one of the purposes of our pregnancy was to give other people the opportunity to serve and receive the blessings one gets from serving others.

A number of years ago, I discovered one of the secrets to true and lasting happiness. It is service to others. In serving others, we forget ourselves. We forget our own problems or recognize those problems in different ways that make them seem less formidable. I firmly believe that it is only through serving others (including our own family members) that we can really find true happiness. Rachelle and I are in an unfortunate position where we can't do much to serve others right now (except for our own children). Some people may think that doesn't sound so bad but it has been difficult for us. One of my fears is that I will get used to it or that I will come to just expect it. I honestly hope this doesn't happen because it is difficult to find happiness when you are frustrated because other people are not always doing your bidding. I think that is the trap that movie stars (especially those that were famous as children) often run into. The impression I received early on about this pregnancy being an opportunity for others helped me to be less fearful of accepting help. I pray often that the Lord will bless those that have given us service like Rachelle's aunt who has Multiple Sclerosis, Natalie Woods who has a big family and a house of her own to deal with, Chris and Kathleen Thompson who have just recently had their own new baby, and many many others, even strangers, who I don't have room enough to list.

One of the other things I want to say is that had we chosen to reduce to twins, I know that we would have regretted that decision for the rest of our lives. We had a very difficult choice early on. We could have chosen to reduce to twins and have a much more normal pregnancy or put everything we had into getting all 5 babies here safely. We obviously chose the latter and we knew that it would forever change the course of our lives. I am not suggesting that everybody who reduces should forever feel guilty about it. In many cases, reduction is necessary to save either the mothers life or the lives of some of the other babies. I really empathize with all of the people that are faced with that decision because it is a very serious one with real consequences. We made that decision knowing that the probability of a good outcome was not very high and we have been incredibly blessed by the results.

Rachelle and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary on August 14th and it will not be what we had imagined on our wedding day 10 years ago. All of the plans we made over the years have now completely changed. Very early on, however, I came to realize that God's hand is in this and our new path will be even better than what we had originally planned. Just looking at the faces of those wonderful babies tells me that. I don't know exactly what kind of things we are going to be able to offer these children but I do know that they are going to grow up in a household with a Mom and Dad that love them very much and will do everything in our power to give them what they need (but not necessarily what they want:).

I don't know why God has sent us these beautiful babies and helped us out so much while so many other good people with high order multiples are not given these same blessings. I credit the medical staff at the hospital for their diligence and concern but I still feel like it was a miracle that things have turned out like that have. I feel like these babies must have been sent to us for some important purpose and I am excited to spend the rest of my life discovering that purpose.